When Pigs Fly

Walking down a street in my neighborhood today, I saw the meat delivery truck stop in front of the local butcher. Two men were unloading meats and carting them across the street into the butcher's shop. Immediately, I zoned in on this photo op and began digging in my bag for my phone (my street camera of choice). I snapped this pic, where you can just make out the pig parts popping out of the top of the pail.

The scene took a dramatic turn, when the man pulled the cart over the curve onto the sidewalk. Bump. The top pig flew up in the air and tumbled down hitting the subway grating head on. Then the man grabbed the pig by one of it's front hooves, dangling it there and considering what to do with porky next. I was frozen solid, as if I were the one in the meat locker. My phone camera was still poised for snapping, and here was the moment. But I couldn't bring myself to shoot anything as I stood wide-eyed and grossed out. As his associate joined him in the swinish fervor, they dropped Ms. Piggy back in the can and headed into the shop. I can be consoled in the fact that the neighborhood is not known for its pork tartare specialty.

Shoot the Freak

An article in last week's New York Magazine reminded me of a conversation I recently had.

I was at the pottery studio and shared the news with an old friend that I'm in the middle of a career transition. There was a gentleman throwing on the wheel next to me. I’d seen him a few times before, but mostly I recognized his voice, which sounds frighteningly like Eugene Levy. He chimed in with the fact that in his 57 years he’s now had more than four careers and presently he is off to southern Utah to act as the COO of the Best Friends Animal Shelter.

A few moments and a platter later, the Levy doppelganger offered some advice to me.

ELI (Eugene Levy Impersonator): “You want a bizarre job?”
Me: “yah, sure” I welcome any potential interesting ideas as I'm looking to discover my next adventure and his own career turn caught my intrigue and respect.
ELI: “You ever been down to Coney Island?”
Oh, god, where could this be going? This is not about a job rescuing animals from disasters.
ELI: “You know the sideshow?”
Me: “You mean the freak show”
ELI: “There’s this group of young people down there doing all sorts of things. And they'll give you lessons. You could learn how to be a sword-swallower or how to breathe fire.”
Me: Trying to stay open-minded, “I once had a friend run off and join the circus as a clown.”
ELI: “Whoa. Those people are professional, I’m not talking about them. You should check out this group down on Coney Island.”

Some suggestions, like the Coney Island Freak Show performer, will never make my short list, barring any unforeseen future physical anomalies - Lobster Girl, Bearded Lady, Elephant Man, and apparently were that to happen it'd be parallel to holding an upper management position in the corporate world, these 'natural borns' are the top of the freak show totem poll.

They could be the Ones

A few years ago, I finally gave into to my adamant refusal to date online. Just like in the bars, the pick-up lines are often bad. I once opened an email and the only word inside was "yummy!" That's the online equivalent of the construction site wolf whistle. Or the under the breath, "god bless you," when passed on the street. Thy might have a keyboard and access to dictionary.com, but it does not enhance their vocabulary.

But occasionally there are a few out there that give really great email. I was particularly flattered when I opened my inbox to find this:

Subject: Orthogonal Thinking.

We very much like your sensibilities, and our somewhat intentionally pungent profile is part serious, part play and part gating factor to weed out the trivial. We're looking for much beyond the initial intersection, and if dating a couple is not beyond your potential mindmap, there could be fertile ground for frisson!

Provocative ping, considered delivered--no slight intended if not your cup of tea (and why should it be? nothing in your profile indicates as much, but we like the look of you...) your thoughts welcome if you wish to know what more looks like and compliments regardless...

- C & L

C&L's screename is Enantiomers and their tagline, "Knot for everyone...." They are a 44 year old Couple (man and woman), New York, New York. Now, it's true there was nothing in my profile indicating I'm interested in bi or swinger relations and their smart email was not going to change my mind, but they had left me intrigued. I quickly clicked on the link to their profile. I had to know more.

"why you should get to know me"
Hot, fit, sane and dominant couple seeks a submissive. You've imagined it, played with the idea so many times but how to explore tendencies have eluded you. If you're a present, wholesome, fit female with brains and energy to spare, provide some narrative for dialogue and we can provide a hot safe path for you to walk.
"more about what I'm looking for"
Please be D/D free as we are. Serious replies only. Spelling skills and long hair a plus. Pictures available after female-to-female voice verification.
Someone who finds delight in the "submissive alpha female" paradox--who identifies with this notion, and would find a welcome place as a secondary friend, lover & consort within a dominant in the bedroom incredibly gracious and giving outside it couple.

Simply put, a wonderful adventure awaits the right woman.

I particularly like that "spelling skills" were "a plus." I envisioned long nights of Scrabble as they took turns braiding my hair, all the while we would have enthralling conversation about socio-economic affairs; it did not sound so bad. But then I realized at some point they'd expect my I'd follow (in cuffs and blindfold) to the bedroom. And so, as I had with "yummy," I left enantiomers out in cyberspace and never replyed to their email.